¤³¤Îµ»ö¤Ë´Ø¤¹¤ë¥³¥á¥ó¥È
All is well that ends well! This has been a fascinating challenge. Thank you all.
ÃÏÃ泤ÅϤë¸Õij¤ÎÇؤ˾è¤Ã¤Æ¤ï¤ì¤Þ¤¿±Û¤µ¤óÌ´¤ÎÆ»Äø ¡Ê±·Ã¡Ë
| mandala | 2007/12/02 2:26 PM |
#35(Hana)
oh Florence
Flora springs out of
la Primavera
(mandala)
for the last verse:
innumerable butterflies
flew the sea off
(tina)
I hope this works out.
| tiny tina | 2007/12/01 6:05 PM |
please finalize this volume with a single shot!
| mandala | 2007/11/24 5:16 PM |
33)
his wife forgot
to put chopsticks
in his lunch box
(tina)
34)
a rustle at the front door,
spring air wafted in
(d.horse)
tsuke 35)
wake up now
trees are in full blow
Shangri-la
(mandala)
how florescent
come on to the garden
for a deep breath
oh Florence
Flora springs out of
la Primavera
| mandala | 2007/11/24 1:54 PM |
sorry, again.
above
b)should be
cry of a kitten,
aroma of the feast
(d.horse)
| d.horse | 2007/11/24 12:20 PM |
32)
in a snowstorm
nomads are starving
(mandala)
33)
his wife forgot
to put chopsticks
in his lunch box
(tina)
for #34
a)
a rustle at the front door,
spring air wafted in
(d.horse)
b)
cry of a ketten,
aroma of the feast
(d.horse)
c)
toward the hazy hill top
moving yellow caps in single file
(d.horse)
| d.horse | 2007/11/24 12:17 PM |
The last message was tina. Sorry.
| tiny tina | 2007/11/20 10:53 PM |
31)
I cannot hold
until the Great Wall
falls down
(d.horse)
32)
in a snowstorm
nomads are starving
(mandala)
tuke for#33
his wife forgot
to put chopsticks
in his lunch box
hey!
the stray badger
making for the kitchen
certainly
the chief has got
false teeth
it doesn't seem
as if anyone will be
back soon
(tina)
Sorry again for my kamekame response.
| | 2007/11/20 10:46 PM |
30)
he lost his interest
in monastic life anymore
(tina)
31)
I cannot hold
until the Great Wall
falls down
(d.horse)
32)
in a snowstorm
nomads are starving
(mandala)
cold days, dark nights
exile to Siberia
crossing the Rubicon
icy water splashes
| mandala | 2007/11/09 9:22 PM |
#29
crepe suzette
not an apple pie
for tonight
(mandala)
#30
he lost his interest
in monastic life anymore
(tina)
for #31
a)
I heard renewed
Cinema Paradise will come back
to this town
(d.horse)
b)
I cannot hold
until the Great Wall
falls down
(d.horse)
c)
a well-known designer predicted
short skirts will be
back in fashion next year
(d.horse)
| d.horse | 2007/11/07 9:39 PM |
#28
a girl, all dolled up
knocked on my door
(d.horse)
#29
crepe suzette
not an apple pie
for tonight
(mandala)
tuke #30
the mayor's monkey
suddenly screams out
an active fault
runs under the city
he lost his interest
in monastic life anymore
that reminds me
an appointment with my doctor
(tina)
| tiny tina | 2007/11/06 7:40 PM |
27)
because
it's almost
All Hallows' day
(tina)
28)
a girl, all dolled up
knocked on my door
(d.horse)
#29)
crepe suzette
not an apple pie
for tonight
(mandala)
can you hear
Ravel¡Çs Bolero?
dolce vita
your California castle
is burnt to the ground
sorry sir
| mandala | 2007/11/02 10:18 PM |
Sorry again,
The last sender of the comment was d.horse.
I am prone to making thins in a rush. This is true to my way of making verses, almost intuitively. Please, everybody, do not mind and take your time to continue. sincerely...d.horse
| d.horse | 2007/11/01 12:11 PM |
#26
they harvest strange fruits
of the southern tree
(mandala)
for #27 and #28
a)
because
it's almost
All Hallow's day
(tina)
a girl, all dolled up
knocked on my door
(d.horse)
b)
Song of Solomon
left half-read --
autumn deepens
(tina)
a glass of wine
was enough for my nightcap
(d.horse)
| | 2007/11/01 11:53 AM |
A little notice :
As for my verse #27,
Jomon-were should be read as Jomon-ware.
Sorry <(_ _)>.
| tiny tina | 2007/10/31 11:47 AM |
#26
they harvest strange fruits
of the southern tree
(mandala)
#27
because
it's almost
All Hallow's day
I heard
a scarecow whispering
and then sobbing around
Song of Solomon
left half-read --
autumn deepens
an autumn butterfly
just fluttering
away
an Jomon-were vessel
throwned down
on the dewy grass
(tina)
| Tiny Tina | 2007/10/31 12:12 AM |
Dear D. Horse,
Let the moon rise whenever and wherever you want to see it, Haikai solons used to say. Yours was a nice moon too.
Mandala
| mandala | 2007/10/28 10:47 PM |
Dear Mr. Chairman,
Sorry, I realised I had put the moon at the wrong place. I had mistakenly referred to the moon at No.24 whereas it should have been mentioned in No.29. Please rectify properly and leave the moon to its right place No.29.
If some irregularity is allowed, please let it go as it was. What is your comment? d.horse
| d.horse | 2007/10/28 10:01 PM |
For #26
24)
bull or bear
the stockbroker is wavering
(tina)
25)
onto chilly streets
people dissipate for weekends
crescent moon hanging in the sky
(d.horse)
26)
through Pantheon columns
blows the autumn wind
(mandala)
mummies salute pharaoh
a dewy ancient morning
they harvest strange fruits
of the southern tree
| nandala | 2007/10/26 11:25 AM |
b)
24)
don't touch on
my white piano
(tina)
25)(correction for mistyping)
glowing like daytime
moonlit snow field was celestrial
sound of silence
(d.horse)
| d.horse | 2007/10/23 8:48 PM |
23)
couch potatoes
beside the fireplace
unmoving
(mandala)
for No.24 and 25
a)
24)
bull or bear
the stockbroker is wavering
(tina)
25)
onto chilly streets
people dissipate for weekends
crescent moon hanging in the sky
(d.horse)
b)
24)
don't touch on
my white piano
(tina)
25)
glowing like daytime
moonlit snow field was celestrial
sound of solence
(d.horse)
| d.horse | 2007/10/23 8:35 PM |
tsuke No. 23 &24
couch potatoes
beside the fireplace
unmoving
(mandala)
unrest
even it's a Christmas
bull or bear
the stockbroker is wavering
a crimson sweater sent from
an inn of the northern province
don't touch on
my white piano
(tina)
Mandala-san, D.horse-san,
I'm very sorry for that I've been a quite big kame.
- "hamlet"and "desa" -both nice!
| Tiny Tina | 2007/10/23 2:58 PM |
21)
somehow
my nose itches --
gleamy weather
(tina)
22)
no love stories on TV
attract Darby and Joan now
(d.horse)
tsuke No. 23)
couch potatoes
beside the fireplace
unmoving
(mandala)
embraceable you
my hot water bottle
irreplaceable
past is dream
future is vision
winter twilight
| mandara | 2007/10/16 10:11 PM |
20)
from a hillside desa
comes soulful gamelan
(mandala)
for #21 (¶-3) and #22
a)
all of a sudden
a forgotten memory
returned to me
(tina)
Grandma boiled red rice for me
on my 7th birthday
(d.horse)
b)
shut the windows !
hide your belly button !
it's a thunderstorm
(tina)
we might take a nap
until afternoon glow comes back
(d.horse)
c)
somehow
my nose itches --
gleamy weather
(tina)
no love stories on TV
attract Darby and Joan anymore
(d.horse)
(d.horse
| d.horse | 2007/10/15 3:55 PM |
Dear Tina,
Thank you very much for your comment and suggestion. Well, ¡Æhamlet¡Ç is a small village and ¡Æfairies of that blooming hamlet¡Ç may sound nicer than ¡Æblooming village.¡Ç And then, about #20, I would like to use the word ¡Ædesa¡Ç (a village community in Java, Bali, Madura, Webster¡Çs Third New International Dictionary, 1976) instead of ¡Ævillage¡Ç because it is harmonious with gamelan.
| mandala | 2007/10/14 8:36 PM |
19)
a wreck of a boat
on the deserted beach
soughing of palm trees
(d.horse)
20)
from a hillside village
comes soulful gamelan
(mandala)
Tuke for #21 (¶-3)
all of a sudden
a forgotten memory
returned to me
shut the windows !
hide your belly button !
it's a thunderstorm
a chieftain's peacock
with its tail feathers spreading
makes a round trip
somehow
my nose itches --
gleamy weather
(tina)
* Mandala-san, thank you very much for your
kind and reasonable correction on my verse #18.
It came smoother and natural.
Let me say about one more thing--
Why don't we make some revision on my verse of #15, as for example the word "village" to
"hamlet" ,so that we could avoid a repeat of the same (meaningful) word ? --I know it may be a trivial matter and such a repeat is not always against the renku rules, however--
Well, I'm not too much sure about the accurate meaning of the word "hamlet" though ^^;.
Let's see--
| Tiny Tina | 2007/10/14 3:23 PM |
18)
quarrelsome fisherman
has quitted drinking since
(tina)
19)
a wreck of a boat
on the deserted beach
soughing of palm trees
(d.horse)
20)
the queen has rattlesnakes
tattoed on her back
(mandala)
from a hillside village
comes soulful gamelan
gathering in Leyte
the remains of soldiers
| mandala | 2007/10/13 11:55 AM |
17)
her smile is a blur
in the warmth of the night
ah Diana
(mandala)
For #18 and #19
a)
quarrelsome fisherman
quitted drinking a while ago
(tina)
a wreck of a boat
on the deserted beach
soughing of palm trees
(d.horse)
b)
Zephyr puffs
her gauze-like coat
(tina)
dark clouds in the sky
crows make noise around
a herald of storm coming
(d.horse)
| d.horse | 2007/10/12 9:27 PM |
her smile is a blur
in the warmth of the night
ah Diana
(mandala)
Tuke For #18
there were somebodies and nobodies
at the shipboard party
falteringly
a Sicilian talkes about the past
quarrelsome fisherman
quitted drinking a while ago
Zephyr puffs
her gauze-like coat
she is not rich
neither does she wish to be
(tina)
---Now we settled annoying moon and blossom verses. Marvelous!
| Tiny Tina | 2007/10/12 1:18 AM |
15)
I believe
fairies of that blooming village
are all in a doze
(tina)
16)
on a lovely spring day
my pa and mom met
(d.horse)
17)
lunar rainbow
beyond buds of May
Yosemite
(mandala)
zephyr embraces
crescent watches over
a vernal eve
her smile is a blur
in the warmth of the night
ah Diana
| mandala | 2007/10/10 3:05 PM |
second try for #15 and #16
A)
elephant or dinosaur ?
I saw today
in the blooming woods
(tina)
for your graduation
I insist bottoms up your glass
(d.horse)
or
do not wake him up, please
bumblebees, with your buzz
(d.horse)
B)
I believe
fairies of that blooming village
are all in a doze
(tina)
like this lovely spring day
my pa and mom met
(d.horse)
| d.horse | 2007/10/10 12:44 PM |
One more question, Mr. Chairman,
Is "graduation" accepted as Spring? (In the most western countries, graduation is in September, I guess)
How about these?
for your graduation
I insist bottoms up your glass
(d.horse)
On this lovely spring day
my pa and mom met
(d.horse)
| d.horse | 2007/10/09 12:48 PM |
Dear Mr. Chairman,
I knew 3 consecutive Spring verses are required to this place. I was in the mood of Spring by these words "new venture" and "like today". Are these not good enough? More specific words of Spring like "kigo" are required in this place? If so, please let me think, and I will rectify the previous submission. Thank you.
| d.horse | 2007/10/09 12:22 PM |
Dear D. Horse,
Verse #16 should have been that of spring since #14 and #15 have the spring season words, haze and blooming. Are you brave enough to break through the old-fashioned renku rule? Or, are you happy to follow the classic rule? Please let me know.
| mandala | 2007/10/09 11:57 AM |
Sorry, again.
The sender of the comment No.22 was d.horse
| d.horse | 2007/10/08 4:09 PM |
14)
the isle is in haze
a distant silhouette
(mandala)
for #15 and #16
A)
elephant or dinosaur ?
I saw today
in the blooming woods
(tina)
for your new venture
I insist bottoms up your glass
(d.horse)
B)
I believe
fairies of that blooming village
are all in a doze
(tina)
on the day like today
my pa and mom met
(d.horse)
| | 2007/10/08 4:06 PM |
the isle is in haze
a distant silhouette
(mandala)
Tuke for #15
under blossoms
flutist almost forgets
about his tenosynovitis
elephant or dinosaur ?
I saw today
in the blooming woods
I believe
fairies of that blooming village
are all in a doze
one fine day
one physician started his practice
by one blooming dale
(tina)
| Tiny Tina | 2007/10/07 11:03 PM |
14)
with Easter hats on
groupies run after you
(mandala)
a spring breeze comes wafting
the sweet Bali Ha¡Çi
the isle is in haze
a distant silhouette
How about mentioning ¡Æthe flower¡Ç in No.15, then, ¡Æthe moon¡Ç in No. 17?
| mandala | 2007/10/05 5:06 PM |
dear chairman,
yottie may be American which suggests he is a very rich man. I found this only in Eijiro dictionary. yachtie may fit better in this verse. I thought I had to bring the moon for No.13 but I did not even notice the sun and the moon should not be too close. Fortunately the moon this time was the a fake moon, not the moon itself, like figurative flowers. please accept the moon as a book.
d.horse
| d.horse | 2007/10/04 1:38 PM |
11)
sunset to sunrise
curfew is imposed
in the capital
(mandala)
12)
the pie should be cut
for seven kids even
(tina)
13)
I dont have a mansion
nor am I a yottie
moon and 6 pence in pocket
(d.horse)
Yottie is a new spelling of yachtie, isn¡Çt it? We had ¡Æsunset and sunrise¡Ç in No.11. and have now ¡Æmoon¡Ç in No.13. While some renku-traditionalists do not particularly like this kind of uchikoshi sequence, we claim what we have in pocket is a book., not the moon itself.
| mandala | 2007/10/04 11:26 AM |
11)
sunset to sunrise
curfew is imposed
in the capital
(Mandala)
for #12 and 13
a)
the pie should be cut
for seven kids even
(tina)
I dont have a mansion
nor am I a yottie
moon and 6 pence in pocket
(d.horse)
b)
listen!
the temple bells ring
(tina)
kids hurrying for supper
crows flying to nests
the moon in the east
(d.horse)
| d. horse | 2007/10/03 11:17 PM |
sunset to sunrise
curfew is imposed
in the capital
(Mandala)
<for #6 Folioµ Back>
I want to see
the really blue sky
the pie should be cut
for seven kids even
listen!
the temple bells ring
marbles started
to fall down the hill
(tina)
---Sorry for my "kame" response.
| Tiny Tina | 2007/10/03 9:20 PM |
9)
someone left
one of a pair of
brand-new snow boots
(tina)
10)
did anyone see
a pumpkin coach last midnight?
(d. horse)
11)
in darkness
on a silver screen
that¡Çs the Potemkin
(mandala)
sunset to sunrise
curfew is imposed
in the capital
a mud pie
melts down to nothingness
a morning rain
| mandala | 2007/10/01 2:08 PM |
Sorry, the previous posting No.13 was sent without sender's name. Pls note the sender was d. horse.
Thank you.
| d. horse | 2007/09/29 12:20 AM |
8)
frozen voices float
as diamond dust dances
(mandala)
for #9
a)
as far as I know
Mrs. Robinson loves
penguins
(tina)
Laugh about it
Shout about it
(Paul Simon)
b)
someone left
one of a pair of
brand-new snow boots
(tina)
Did anyone see
a pumpkin coach last midnight?
(d. horse)
c)
she's a granddaughter
of a survivor
of the Titanic tragedy
(tina)
I wish I could propose her
a cruise for honeymoon
(d. horse)
| | 2007/09/29 12:12 AM |
frozen voices float
as diamond dust dances
(mandala)
for #9
as far as I know
Mrs. Robinson loves
penguins
penguin chicks
one after another
jump into the icy ocean
someone left
one of a pair of
brand-new snow boots
she's a granddaughter
of a survivor
of the Titanic tragedy
(tina)
| Tiny TIna | 2007/09/28 9:12 PM |
7.
sipping coffee
biting pretzels
life is a rush
for No.8
frozen voices float
as diamond dust dances
(mandala)
muscles and energy
now in winter sleep
penguins stand and jostle
a howling blizzard
| mandala | 2007/09/25 2:54 PM |
Dear D. Horse, I think your ideas are urbane and charming. The stanzas are, however, as you have mentioned, close to the preceding ones. So allow me to make small revisions and blur the image, which is too clear now:
6.
the light at the street
now turns green
(tina)
7.
sipping coffee
biting pretzels
life is a rush
| mandala | 2007/09/24 10:08 PM |
he¡Çs a mushroom
growing in the air
huge and lethal
(mandala)
for No.6 and 7
(just for two seasons. although they might be too close to the preceding ones. what do you say, chairman?)
a)the light at the street
now turns green
(tina)
people rush to work
with a coffee at one hand
wiping sweat off with the other
(d. horse)
a)people in this town
wear too much
(tina)
streets filled with officegoers
with hot coffee in one hand,
with the other in the pockets
(d. horse)
| d. horse | 2007/09/24 2:15 PM |
Tina¤µ¤Þ¡¢¤´°§»¢¤¤¤¿¤ß¤¤¤ê¤Þ¤¹¡£¤è¤¦¤³¤½¤ª¤¤¤Ç¤¯¤À¤µ¤¤¤Þ¤·¤¿¡£¤ª³Ú¤·¤ß¤¤¤¿¤À¤±¤ì¤Ð¹¬¤¤¤Ç¤¹¡£
D. Horse¤µ¤Þ¡¢¤Ä¤®1¤Î΢Âè1¶ç¤Ç¤¹¡£¤ªÂ³¤±¤¯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£
| mandala | 2007/09/24 12:36 PM |
he¡Çs a mushroom
growing in the air
huge and lethal
(mandala)
for #6
something black
rolling down the icy slope ¡¡(tina)
people in this town
wear too much
the light at the street
now turns green
under the naked tree
someone jostles away
¿§Ìµ¤É÷¤«¤é¤È¤Ã¤Æ¤¯¤ì¤í¤Î·î¤Ø¡¢¤Ï¤Æ¤µ¤ÆË·¤ä¤Î
¹Ô¤¯Ëö¤Ï¡¦¡¦ÌÌÇò¤¤Å¸³«¤Ç¤¹¤Í¡£¤¿¤Î¤·¤Þ¤»¤Æ¤¤¤¿¤À¤¤¤Æ¤ª¤ê¤Þ¤¹¡£¤ªÆóÊýÍÍ¡¢¤É¤¦¤¾¡¢¤è¤í¤·¤¯¤ª¤Í¤¬¤¤¤¤¤¿¤·¤Þ¤¹¡£
| Tiny Tina | 2007/09/23 10:53 PM |
3.
a moon
swaying on the water
in a tin tub
(tina)
4.
I got it for you,
my little boy
(d. horse)
tsuke for 5
he¡Çs a mushroom
growing in the air
huge and lethal
(mandala)
I¡Çve thrown it away
¡Æcause too heavy to hold
the premiership
inshallah
beneath the arid soil
rich oilfields
| mandala | 2007/09/22 6:53 PM |
d. horse ¤µ¤Þ
¹Ô¤°ã¤¤¤Ç¤·¤¿¡£µ¤¤¬¤Ä¤¤Þ¤»¤ó¤Ç¼ºÎ餷¤Þ¤·¤¿¡£
| mandala | 2007/09/21 11:11 PM |
D. Horse¤µ¤Þ
Tina¤µ¤ó¤ÎÂè3¸õÊä3¤Ä¤«¤é¡¢¤ª¹¥¤¤Ê¶ç1¤Ä¤òÁª¤ó¤Ç¡¢Âè4¶ç¤ò¡¢2¤Ä3¤Ä¤ªÉÕ¤±¤¯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£
| mandala | 2007/09/21 9:44 PM |
2)on tatami with bare feet
evening is a bit chill
(Mandala)
for 3)
a) a moon
swaying on the water
in a tin tub
(tina)
I got it for you,
my little boy
(d. horse)
b) for the moon
lyrist brought a flute
flutist brought an inkstone
(tina)
Why not a glass of wine
for a blissful moment
(d. horse)
| d. horse | 2007/09/21 9:24 PM |
(Waki)
on tatami with bare feet
evening is a bit chill (Mandala)
(Daisan)
a) a moon
swaying on the water
in a tin tub (tina)
b) for the moon
lyrist brought a flute
flutist brought an inkstone
c) musicians
undulating like
moonlit pampass grass
¤è¤í¤·¤¯¤ª¤Í¤¬¤¤¤¤¤¿¤·¤Þ¤¹¡£
| Tiny Tina | 2007/09/21 2:12 PM |
Not visiblel
But tangible; the wind
Autumn is here
tsuke
on tatami with bare feet
evening is a bit chill
(Mandala)
pampas grass rustles
a night of sleeping out
| mandala | 2007/09/19 4:23 PM |